Recommended Reading

There are numerous books about divorce, from every perspective. We have outlined just a few to give you a head start if you are looking to educate yourself or get assistance making decisions.

Books about Mediation, Collaboration and Negotiation

1. 1. Getting to Yes – Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In (Fisher)
      Provides a step by step strategies for negotiating mutually acceptable agreements, including detailing ways to focus on people’s interests and not on positions, and working together to create options that will be acceptable to both parties. This book is the classic explanation of how issue based negotiations can work best. It will help you in all negotiations, not just in a marital context.

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1. 1. The Collaborative Way to Divorce (Webb)
      Written by the founder of the Collaborative Law movement, this book provides a comprehensive guide to Collaborative law an the Collaborative law process. Along with Collaborative Divorce (Tesler and Thompson), these two books provide a complete picture of the ideas behind this out of court process.

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1. 1. The Divorce Mediation Answer Book (Paula James)
      This book explains the mediation procedure and reassures clients that they can indeed work out their divorce in a reasonable and civil manner in mediation. It also gives them a great deal of information about how children respond to divorce, how property issues are addressed, how future support may be considered and how to prepare for mediation.

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1. 1. Divorce Without Court: A Guide to Mediation and Collaborative Divorce (Nolo Guide, K. Stoner)
      This book thoroughly explores both mediation and collaboration as procedural alternatives to Court, giving an overview of each process, how it works, and additionally provides guidance on selecting advisers to use. Additionally, the book assists in readying you for divorce negotiations by outlining the information needed, and giving suggestions regarding how to make the most of the negotiation process.

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1. 1. Prenups for Lovers, a Romantic Guide to Prenuptual Agreements (Dubin)
      This author does an excellent job of outlining the reasons a prenuptual agreement might be a good idea, and preparing prospective partners to seriously think about the financial issues that may face them after marriage. If a couple can bring themselves to read this together, it can strengthen communication and help them decide whether a prenuptual agreement is a good idea.

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Child Related Concerns:Books for Parents About Divorce

1. 1. Sharing the Child: How to Resolve Custody Problems and Get on with your Life (Adler):
      What distinguishes this book from others on divorce is its focus on the need for businesslike cooperation between the divorcing parents for the sake of their child or children. Adler offers much practical advice on how to achieve such cooperation, even suggesting how to choose a lawyer sensitive to this issue and including a sample parental agreement. Summary outlines and appendixes which include a self-help checklist, a comparison of children’s needs at different ages, and a sketch of the custody laws of the different states are extremely helpful.

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1. 1. The Good Divorce: Keeping Your Family Together When Your Marriage Comes Apart (Ahrons):
      A study of randomly selected post-divorce families offers hope that splitting spouses may be able to handle their breakup in a way that will permit both “adults and children [to] emerge at least as emotionally well as they were before the divorce.” Ahrons blends insights from her own research and a cross-national European study as well as 25 years as a therapist to dispel myths, establish useful classifications, articulate the challenges divorcing spouses face, and suggest steps to make a “good divorce” more likely.

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1. 1. Vicki Lansky’s Divorce Book for Parents (Lansky)
      Basing her approach on the belief that children are affected less by divorce itself than by the way a family is restructured and the way feelings are handled afterward, Lansky–herself a divorced mother and the author of Feed Me! I’m Yours (Meadowbrook, 1986. rev. ed.) and other books–presents a highly practical and optimistic guide for divorced and divorcing parents. Among the many problem areas she covers, all from the perspective of doing what is best for the child, are breaking the news, the danger of continuing
      conflict, deciding when professional help is needed, organizing–and surviving–departure, dealing with the ex-spouse, and long-term adjustment.

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1. 1. The Truth about Children and Divorce (Emery)
      This academic book studies the effect of divorce on children and makes recommendations about parental conduct to minimize the negative consequences for children. Dr. Emery has a more recent book entitled Two Homes One Childhood, which is also recommended.

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1. 1. Two Homes One Childhood (Emery)
      Two Homes is like a “Dr. Spock” (the famous book about baby care), but written for parents who live separately. Because parents who live apart face unique challenges throughout their children’s life, this books focuses on the entire range of child development, from infancy through emerging.

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Books for Children About Divorce

1. 1. Dinosaurs Divorce: A Guide for Changing Families (Brown)
      A read-along book with young children, aimed at ages 5-8, when parents are divorcing.

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1. 1. It’s Not Your Fault- Ko-Ko Bear, A Read Together Book for Parents and Young Children in Divorce (Lansky)
      This easy-to-understand children’s story and parenting guide is intended for families where both parents plan to stay active and involved in their child’s life. “It’s Not Your Fault, KoKo Bear” revolves around a lovable bear who doesn’t want to have two homes. KoKo’s experience will help children learn what divorce means, how family life will change, and understand that the divorce is not their fault.

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Pre-Teen and Teen

1. 1. How it Feels when Parents Divorce (Krementz)
      Nineteen boys and girls, from seven to sixteen years old and from highly diverse backgrounds, share their deepest feelings about their parents’divorce. By listening to them, all children of divorced parents can find constructive ways to help themselves through this difficult time. And they will learn that their own shock and anger, confusion and pain, have been experienced by others and are normal and appropriate.

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1. 1. It’s Not the End of the World (Blume)
      In traditional “Judy Blume” style, this is the story about a girl name Karen. Karen’s world was ending. Her father had moved out of the house weeks before; now he was going to Las Vegas to get divorced, and her mother was pleased! She had only a few days to get the two of them together in the same room. Maybe, if she could, they would just forget about the divorce. Then the Newman family could be its old self again—maybe. But Karen knew something she didn’t know last winter: that sometimes people who shouldn’t be apart are impossible together.

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Books For People Who Are Trying To Decide Whether To Stay In The Marriage Or Leave The Marriage

1. 1. Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work (J. Gottman)
      Dr. John Gottman’s The Seven Principles of Making Marriage Work is the culmination of his years of research observing married couples working out their marriage.He was able to see what happy married couples did differently to make their relationship work. He was also able to observe what unhappy married couples did that caused them to have stressful marriages that would often result in divorce. With these observations, Dr. Gottman created the 7 principles in this book that would not only concisely show what it takes to have a happy marriage, but also the concrete actions on how to make it happen.

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1. 1. The Relationship Cure (J. Gottman)
      Five step guide to strengthening your marriage, family and friendships through the examination of one’s emotional skills, how to improve those skills and apply them to your marriage and other relationships.

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1. 1. Too Good to Leave Too Bad to Stay: A Step by Step Guide to Help you Decide Whether to Stay or Get out of Your Relationship (Kirshenbaum)
      This is a step by step guide to help one decide whether they should.

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