STRESS MANAGEMENT AT HOLIDAY TIME BEGINS WITH YOU
There are many articles about ways to manage stressful family situations during the holidays, especially situations involving children. There are articles about two-house families post-divorce, blended families (yours, mine, ours), loyalty to multiple families, stress around step-families, toxic and dysfunctional families, dreading and avoiding family at holidays, family-related tension at holidays, surviving the family holiday, family fights at holidays — you name it. Some are written in a way that’s serious; some are funny. All are easy to word-search online, and when you find what resonates with you it’s easy to find more.
This post takes as its premise the idea that you need to take care of yourself before you can deal with others. This is something I’ve believed for a long time and have written about before — put your own oxygen mask on first, so to speak. What are some techniques for doing this?
A key skill is detachment. Detaching from behavior that triggers you doesn’t mean numbing out; detachment is not the same as dissociation. It’s possible to let go of whatever’s disrupting your peace of mind without distancing yourself in an emotionally painful way from the family member who’s engaging in that behavior. That’s not to say it’s easy, but that it’s possible, and there’s plenty written about itfrom different professional perspectives.
Another tool used by many is meditation — quieting the mind by focusing on the breath, or a sound, tuning out the chatter that occupies most of our brains most of the time. There was a time when meditation was associated predominantly with Eastern spiritual practice, but modern medical education teaches that body and mind are one, not separated as was formerly thought, and that wellness involves both. There are many ways to learn meditation. A starting place is YouTube; search for “guided meditations” and find what suits you.
Taking time to write down your feelings, going for a walk, taking in a movie, all can help you detach from what triggers you. Sometimes the time you have available for self-nurture is limited; this may affect choices you make about what to do when it comes to managing yourself in stress-laden family situations.
None of this is to suggest that holidays are inherently stressful, only that they can be. If they are stressful for you, taking care of yourself first is the way to turn it off, tune it out and focus on the one person whose behavior you can do something about: YOU.
